First Blog - Facing the Consequences

Well, here it is, my first blog. As more of my friends and family have created blogs or created pages on MySpace, Facebook or similar social networking sites I've held out and have failed to find a lot of motivation to put forward the effort. I’m finally giving in, though, as motivation has finally come. I’ll tell you more about why I finally changed my mind in a later post, but for now I think I’ll expand on my reservations about blogging. It’s a bit paradoxical, I suppose, to blog about my reservations about blogging but it’s a conversation worth having if only to get it out of my system.

There are a number of reasons for my hesitation, including the standard concerns over identity theft and security. While I'm certainly not opposed to technology by any means, the ideas of cyberspace, virtual identities and the digital frontier seem very daunting. The names we have chosen for these things are very telling and are, at once, both accurate and deceptive. The word cyberspace does, in fact, conjure up images of a vacuous black hole slowly but steadily sucking away our time and our moral virtues and perhaps even our souls if we aren’t careful. And I can't help but state the obvious by noting that the virtual lives that an increasing number of people are creating online have little virtue to them.

Probably the biggest reason, though, that I've not put myself on the internet to this point is because, more than my “off the cuff” nature indicates, I do think a lot about consequences. Growing up, it was driven home to me how even our smallest decisions can have big consequences. I learned that even the seemingly minor consequences of seemingly small and unrelated decisions could be compounded into devastating catastrophes. Unfortunately, this awareness hasn't always saved me from the painful stupidity of youthful ignorance and pride, or even from my big mouth. Yet, I've always tried as much as possible to consider the consequences of my choices in advance.

In this case, something as simple as creating a MySpace profile or posting a blog doesn't seem to carry significant consequences. And yet, I suspect they may, more than we realize. The internet and blogging is a combines for a strange hybrid of communication methods. As a forum for information exchange it has the potent ability to combine the elements of traditional writing and publishing with the immediacy and real-time interaction of candid, extemporaneous conversation.

This can be a double-edged sword, indeed. On one hand publishing a blog makes sets our thoughts in a somewhat concrete form and allows the reader to review things accurately, repetitively, and consistently. Unlike spoken conversation, once a blog has been posted, there is no need to dispute differing memory of what was actually said in the past.  Instead we can always quote a blog word for word. On the other hand, with blog comments, emails, and instant messenger programs people are able to respond and conversation can ensue immediately, even across continents.

Unfortunately, without the physical presence and the accompanying tone, inflection, and visual cues that exist in a random real-time conversation the emotional timbre of the written word must be deciphered, if not divined, entirely by the reader. Consequently, like many people, I have observed many blog forums erupt into a dull roar of accusations, hurt feelings and illogical emotions based on an assumed implicit tone that a reader thinks the blogger intended rather than an actual understanding of the explicit content of the blog.

While the immediacy of web publishing is extremely gratifying and perhaps what makes it very appealing to so many people, it is the potential longevity of a blog's existence and consequently its potential ability to have impact over a long period of time that can endow the blog with potentially powerful and unforeseen consequences. Sadly it is the long-term impact of a blog posting that we as a society (especially youth) spend the least time considering.

It is actually the potential longevity of a blog that should compel us towards constant vigilance against statements that reflect hasty passion, pride and prejudice. Who could possibly be hurt, offended, embarrassed, or discriminated against by what we chose to post? Are we prepared to live with those consequences today, tomorrow, or twenty years from now? These are the question that should be asked every time something is published.  And yet, ironically, it seems, to me that as more and and more people are able to take advantage of this publishing technology, we actually consider its impacts less and less.  Perhaps this is a simple case of supply and demand.  There is (theoretically) no end to the supply of available cyberspace, so consequently, it really has little value.  As a result, we seem to take this endless supply for granted and cyberspace gets easily filled up with cyperspace junk.

I am inclined to believe that we as a society tended to think about the consequences of what we committed to writing and publishing more in past eras. Because of the financial commitment involved in traditional publishing we were not as likely to commit to producing or preserving things that were not worth keeping. Perhaps, we also understood better that the product would take a concrete form and would be preserved for better or worse. The tangibility of the medium of paper printing, of course, also contributed to this sense concreteness compared to the virtual existence of a blog entry. Perhaps, our thoughts don’t feel as concrete to us because we rarely print them out and handle them physically like we do a book or newspaper, although ironically, our blogs disseminated more easily than books other print media ever was.

I could probably go on a bit more about my theories of the social mechanics, implications, and ramifications of blogging. However, most of what I have said are obvious to most who have given the subject any thought. If we don’t think about it consciously, we should. We need to ask ourselves if we are ready to accept those consequences including those we don’t foresee, as well those we do.

Jumping to another train of thought for a moment…

Another reason I've but off my foray into blogging is that I tend to be a very private person in terms of my personal thoughts, beliefs and feelings. I suppose those who know me would laugh at that statement, because I talk... a lot.  I enjoy it. In fact, I am (much to my chagrin) often a fierce debater. I love conversation and I am extremely opinionated but for all my yakking with friends or even foes, I often I tend to stick to "safe" conversation; admittedly, this frequently means conversation where I feel I have some control and avoiding subjects I am inclined to feel defensive about. Also unfortunately, In the midst of conversation I have a tendency to becomes overly passionate about even trivial subjects and consequently friends sometimes have trouble distinguishing between what is really important to me vs. a random subject that has me animated in the moment.

In this light, I've decided that a blog might help people to distinguish between what’s really important to me versus what I’m just overly worked up about at the moment. A blog provides an opportunity for more full explanation of thoughts, ideas and feelings, as well. That isn’t to say that I intend for every blog to be as bloated and platitudinous as this one. But you can be assured that if I’ve taken the time to commit it to writing, I feel pretty strongly about it.  As much as I love sharing my opinion, I don't enjoy writing.  Being somewhat lazy by nature, I find it tedious and exhausting. It requires me to think harder (heaven forbid) and weigh more fervently the consequences of what I say. Consequently, I suppose I don’t really see my blog as a daily personal journal but more as a forum for conversation. However, while a blog is also a good way of encouraging conversation, I am not necessarily interested in ongoing threads of comments. I’ll likely moderate comments to keep things from devolving into a debate. While I am good at debate, I don’t enjoy it as much as my habits indicate.  While I am willing to try and explore more personal and significant topics clearly and thoughtfully, I'm not sure I'm ready to relinquish control of the conversation entirely.

Finally, tying it all together and wrapping it up…

Earlier I stated that the biggest reason I hadn’t started blogging yet was because I was concerned about the consequences of blogging. Now that I have assembled this presumptuous treatise on the consequences of blogging, I should probably take my initial explanation one step further. After all, what are the consequences of blogging that I personally am afraid of (besides security)?

I think my bigger fears revolve around potential criticism, or worse, wholesale misunderstanding. But the fear is not in hearing the criticism or the misunderstanding, both of which I usually expect and can be fairly easily ignored. Rather, my fear is my own laziness and apathy in responding to criticism and misunderstanding. In order to maximize my blogs potential for positive consequences, I will likely have to spend time following up and responding and having conversations that normally I might avoid. Like many, I tend to be selfish with my time, but if I am to take responsibility for what I post in a blog I will need to be less selfish. Am I prepared for this commitment? Until now I haven’t been convinced that the effort was worth it or that I was capable of fulfilling my responsibilities. I now believe that it can be worth it and the consequences could be great and uplifting.

One last trivial fear I should mention is simply that I dislike being just another voice out there, or one more rat in the race so to speak. But the reality is, that this blog will ever only be seen or frequented by a few people. And yet, appropriately, it’s those few people who I need to reach out to more and make more of an effort with. And these few people deserve to know how I really feel, and not be deprived an opportunity for conversation because I’m too lazy or selfish to take the time.  I hope that these people, especially, will be careful to read what I'm saying and not inject or assume emotion or a tone that is not, in fact, intended. For all my alpha-male, Type A, oldest child, take-me-or-leave-me bluster, I worry very much about hurting those around me. And at times I even have grand desires to be a true friend and servant.

So, to sum this all up… Until now I haven’t blogged or written my thoughts, mostly because I’ve been lazy and afraid of the responsibility. This blog is step one in my efforts to change that.